Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
