Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
