some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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