I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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