just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize