Cold hands, warm shart.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
