hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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