she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
