Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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