Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
