Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just tell him i said nine months
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
