i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
