Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're my little dorito
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
