Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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