I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so let's talk penis.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
