Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Let's get the cat blown out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
