One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
