I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
