I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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