dude i'm inner monologue high
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
