There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
