"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
