i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
