K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize