Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize