And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
