theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
