First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
