wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
