she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
