On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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