GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
