I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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