I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
