i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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