we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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