ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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