...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
