I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
