i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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