I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
