I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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