I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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