I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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