Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
