We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
