The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
