I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
