I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
