bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
