Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
