Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
