My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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