He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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