Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
