I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize