Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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