i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Randomize
