just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
