I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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