I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize