I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
