I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
