I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize